Never Had A Girlfriend

I am shaking while writing this. This may be too far, but, I almost feel like it’s my responsibility to talk about it. Art is supposed to build up people, or at least make them see something that might change them inside—and in the modern world, it is almost selfish to be a creator and not share my…issues.

So… yeah.

Told by many this is not a good idea: fuck it.

Oh God, fuck it.

I’m 22 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. Continue reading

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The Most Annoying Phrases In The English Language

I’ve gone over before that I HATE platitudes. This is for several reasons, including how they are not at all helpful, in the slightest, when I hear them. But, with that said, some of them are so egregious, some phrases and common sayings so irritating, that I felt the need to bitch about them on the internet.

 “You can do it!”

Okay, so, being supportive is nice, and good, and all that is swell—but clichés are clichés. Statements and sentences that come straight out of a hokey anime, or child-friendly animated movie, infuriate me because I feel like I am getting a robot quoting a film.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Continue reading

If I Were A Video Game Character

I didn’t much enjoy the book Ready Player One. It was…fine…I guess. It did give me a fun idea.

I am going to treat myself like an avatar in a game and list off my usual items and traits.

And, yes, I am doing this because it’s a good way to combine self-deprecating humor and ego-stroking, how’d you guess?

Here we go. Continue reading

I Fucking Love Cooking

So, when writing became my job, I had to ask: “then what’s my hobby?” Well, though I am a big fan of Hearthstone and I obviously read a ton and watch many shows—when I have time to do so—if I had to pick something I consider a hobby, it would be cooking.

To not die of hunger, I must cook food anyway—or eat out at restaurants all the time, but, if that were only the case, I would not make it as complex as I do. If I was only doing it for the sake of not being a withered husk of hunger, I would not put the level of thought and effort into the foods I make. Continue reading

Disturbing Me

To tell you the truth, I never meant to be a horror writer. Everyone knew me as the sci-fi guy; that’s where I began. But, somewhere, along the way, this became the artistic avenue I connected to the most.

I say, whenever possible, “I am a horror writer.” Because I want that to stick. I want people to get what that means, even if I am not sure, myself, what I mean.

I’ve talked, at length, about my want for and to create dark stories. I do not fully understand my proclivity, but I know it has affected me. At some point, after I’d spent a good deal of time trying to come up with horror concepts, and studying other instances of it, it became clinical. Continue reading

Stuff I Keep Hearing

I have bad days, sometimes. We all do. And, when I do, I try to—I don’t know—channel it toward something, at the very least. Turn sadness into anger, turn frustration into motion, somehow. It helps I walk a lot, it gives me an outlet (you really can outrun certain problems, believe it or not) but, ultimately, what makes me happy is making other people happy.

An inspiring speech, oddly, works wonders for the sake of my own morale. So, well, let’s go do such a thing, even if I’m distracted and riled up from a day that did not go as I planned. Continue reading

Odd Stuff I’ve Said

I’m guessing some would recommend I don’t write about this, but, well, you all know I’m eccentric as it is—so, fuck it. Writers already have the stigma of being a weird bunch, but you’ve heard, likely, all the usual shenanigans—so, I’m doing you one better.

Not just researching murder methods, talking to people who they make up, or being totally willing to do dangerous/stupid things for the sake of a story: nah, I’ve got a set of much more unique quirks.

And it involves words and language. Continue reading

Push–Can I Automate That?

I like to automate. When I hit a problem with timing or effort, the question becomes: “Can I automate that? Can I make technology do that for me?” I am a transhumanist: it’s not odd I think that way, but what is funny is how often the answer is a resounding YES to those questions.

I guess the world is catching up to the proposed futures of the past. Smart plugs make my light turn on by my schedule. My scale records my weight for me. If I can make something give alerts or similar when events occur, then I am all for it.

Now, you might call me lazy. You might call me spoiled. You’re right on the first one, possibly right on the second. After all, I am a white male, cis-gendered, heterosexual living in America (also a little left-leaning, if you could not tell from that tongue twister), so I get access to some of the best stuff in the world—and I can get it delivered to my door.

And that’s spoiled.

That’s lazy. Continue reading

Like Nothing Can Touch You

The last post that was not a piece of fiction from me was a tad on the depressing side, so, I figured I’d spin the mood around and deliver something happy while I sort out my shit.

Because, even if I talk like it is, complain, the world is not all darkness and fire—neither is it unicorns and the first bite of an apple on a summer evening as the sun goes down—but there are moments, even if they are fleeting, where one can raise their hands to the sky and say “this, this is the meaning of it all. Right here. Right now.” Continue reading

Ten Pounds Of Terror

Had to leave town because of Hurricane Irma. Could not cook my own food in Chicago. Then, came back and discovered the loveliness of eggnog martinis and double espressos lattes.

But, turns out, coffee, all coffee, even just a little of the stuff, burns my stomach.

But, yeah, quitting it is difficult. So, that’s fun. Caffeine, you’re a cruel monster.

Then, after learning white wine is gross, and so are mimosas, and they give me cottonmouth, I caught what appeared to be the plague. A lot of Florida, and possibly more of the country, got this super nasty bug, and, for a little while, I did not feel like eating anything other than liquid.

So, I got good at protein shakes. Like, I made some mean drinks—if I may toot my own horn on my own blog.

But, after all that, after I came back to coffee after quitting and discovered I like cappuccinos more than even lattes: I had a horrible reality check.

I’d gained ten pounds. Continue reading

Another Link Between Horror And Comedy

Oft-repeated statements highlighting the similarities of horror and comedy in terms of their emotional requirements and polarizing nature aside—there is something they have in common. Something only someone who experiences them a lot would know, or, at least, would know intimately. Continue reading

Fuck-Up, Millenial, And Sleep Deprevation

Writers are solitary creatures, but, I am increasingly social lately. And, in my “travels,” I’ve learned the accuracy of an oft-repeated statement: almost no one has their shit together. People may put on a good show, a front of calm and being collected, but everyone is scrambling and panicked—if only a little.

The most common sign of this I hear from people is sleep deprivation. I cannot believe how many of my fellow twenty-somethings sacrifice sleep. Continue reading

Leaning Into The Sterotypes

I am a writer, and with that title comes all these stereotypes about the way I might dress or act. And, while some of these are accurate, some are harmful or untrue. Writers are stereotypically alcoholics, for instance, and that does not apply to me—I barely touch the stuff.

But, then, we get to the other stereotypes, the more neutral ones. The stuff that’s not harmful, and more just a product of popular culture, and, it is here, with these, that I have an interesting relationship. Because, I don’t wear tweed or carry around a paper notebook (I have a phone, after all), and I don’t constantly wear a knapsack or a fedora. But, unlike the bad stereotypes, some of these generalities I feel tempted to adopt, even if they are clichés. Continue reading

Some Ill-Informed Futuristic Predicitons

Who said having in-depth knowledge of something is a necessary step to talking about it? And, yes, that’s satire, but, even if it makes me hypocritical, I’m doing it anyway. Because, it’s a new year, and the technological singularity is a thing that exists and will only exist more: so, I figured I’d go and tally up some technological innovations I expect to come into a more prominent place this year of 2018. Continue reading