If I were to put a label on two aspects of my personality, it would be these: I’m tenacious, and I’m an overthinker. And it’s the second thing I’m going to focus on here. I know I worry about stuff that other people just do not linger on, not for a second. “Hitler’s Painting” was an article I did specifically to address an instance of that. I have been told, since a very young age, “you’re thinking too much about this.” Continue reading
Heat and sheets,
A cross breeze,
A softer bed than ever,
A bout of rainy weather. Continue reading
Some may disagree with me doing this. Some may become alienated as my experiences do not match up to theirs close enough. And some might simply be mad at me for some other reasons that if I were to guess, I’d likely be wrong about it anyway.
I’m gonna demystify creativity. Continue reading
In this red room,
By screen light,
And data sped outwards, Continue reading
Well, that’s a pretentious title. But I mean it this way: the world is beautiful. Interlocking pieces and ideas and complex words and agreements and dreams made real. I am not an optimist, but like everyone that looks up at the sky, I cannot help but wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Take a person and see a massive complex organism of nerves and blood. Then consider the internal dreams of a human being. The social connections. I believe in a spirit, a soul, to a person—and that’s another layer. Continue reading
Well, a new year—
A new start—
A new day.
In a single year,
Time bends and twists— Continue reading
You’d think my favorite,
Would be the time of screams,
The time of skeletons,
And very bad dreams. Continue reading
(Originally posted September 8, 2018)
“I mean, play along. How many was that?”
Brian put the white ceramic mug to his lips and sucked down more of the cheap coffee. His sister watched him for a moment, then rolled her eyes.
“It’s four, right?” she asked.
Brian flicked out his finger. “Ding, ding.” Continue reading
(Originally posted June 23, 2018)
They walked on the roads, because past midnight, in that sleepy town, no one, not the cops, not the neighbors, would be out and about. Sure, the occasional screen, the occasional person driving along would be there, but, for the most part, the town may as well not have been in existence.
“Is it pretentious if I say—?”
Howard laughed. “You didn’t let me finish.” Continue reading
(Originally posted October 22, 2016)
The email looked legit.
Hello sir or madam, I am happy to inform you that you have made so many of billions of dollars. Due to a ridiculous series of tax laws and reformatting of the entire currency system, along with the rising of a dark sorcerer, you are set to receive seventeen billion dollars in the next week. We only need you to enter your bank account data to make the transaction complete.
I mean, how tempting was that? Just a quick share of personal matters, and I would be a billionaire. But I had to check. I had to be sure.
I am a sir, just FYI. And while I have no reason to doubt your incredibly generous offer (like, seriously dude, I am so glad you sent this email), I do need to confirm something with you before we go forward with this financial action.
I only had to wait about six hours for the response to come back. The email contained a lot of internet links I could check out and click. But, I had to stay focused. So, I sent back an email without opening any of the links.
His read like this:
Yes, whatever you need to know, do not hesitate to ask. But please, let’s make this as quick as possible. A deal like this, especially with such circumstances, could change around at any time. We need to transfer the cash in the next few hours to avoid you losing the opportunity.
I responded with this:
Okay, I understand the urgency. I just need to know how you came to hear about this large financial turnaround.
The reply came within minutes.
We are in the unique position of being connected to a man who spies on the royal magical network (do not worry if you have never heard of such a group. The secret is heavily defended.) And he has informed us of where the money is, and how to best go about transferring it out of the clutches of this evil fiend. All we need is your info.
Excitement flew through my veins as I sent out all the relevant data they needed. My palms sweated, and I waited for the first of the money to come. But, to my disappointment, they tricked me. The liars.
I mean, fifty million total? Only that?! And it took a whole month. Come on! They were absolute scam artists. And, if I were ever to meet them, they are not allowed on my yacht.
The Christmas Collection Continues Tomorrow, And Every Day Up To And Including Christmas Day! So Stay Tuned To Coolerbs Writes!
Special thanks to: Bob Gerkin, Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, and Michael The Comic Nerd.
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Want to read something longer by me? How about a whole novel!
(Originally posted September 13, 2017)
I don’t know of many creatives without some odd habits. And, with me, the most prominent and noticeable ones are my night owl tendencies and my relationship with jackets. I’ve talked about the night and my place in it before, but I’ve barely, if at all, discussed my jacket fixation, and I think it’s about time I fix that oversight. Because I goddamn love jackets. If I could comfortably sleep in a jacket I would—and don’t think I haven’t tried. Continue reading
(Originally posted September 30, 2017)
One could not overstate the significance of the foam sword. Perhaps, in the entire history of the room, and the house’s various occupants through the years, the foam sword was the most important thing to ever grace those four walls. For one, it tied the room together nicely; for another, it made several religions with its very presence.
The owners of the house, a Mr. and Mrs. Spelling, were the first to become aware of the foam sword. They found it in the center of the guest room, sitting on the floor, and radiating off immeasurable glory. Continue reading
(Originally posted September 26, 2018)
As a nerd, and a “scholar of life” (if I may finally, finally reach peak pretentiousness), I’ve learned an important lesson for people—and artists especially.
And, before I go forward, a warning: It’s hard to apply.
Really fucking hard.
But, it’s also an admired quality. Continue reading