Category Archives: Writing

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November 28, 2015

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Micro Fiction, Writing

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Microfiction: Sales Rush

I smashed in his head with a half-priced chrome shower curtain pole. It beat taking coffee any day. The buzz, THE BUZZ.

I hear some yuppie college prick sneaking up on my shopping cart. Followed along by his girlfriend, with smeared cheap-ass mascara like devil horns on her forehead. Animals the lot of them, filthy money grubbing animals.

So I put a pair of stainless steel steak knives from my thirteen-piece cutlery set through their fucking hearts.

I’d raid their wallets, but some kid in last week’s diaper snatches it and runs underneath a couple of elderly woman gumming up the forearm of some gym teacher wielding a pair of hand weights.

“Shit! I could have gotten some shoes with that, you beast.” Continue reading →

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November 25, 2015

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Funny, Writing

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3 Silly Alliterations That Show How Weird The English Language Can Be

1.) “There, there. They’re there.”

Example:

I saw the girl sitting there, crying with soft sobs. My train would not arrive right away, and even if it does, I can’t let her sit all alone.

“Hey, are you alright?”

She sniffles, and moves her blond hair out of the way. “I can’t find my mom and dad.”

“What do they look like?”

“They had red sweaters on like mine. I miss them…”

She bursts into fresh tears. I frown, and look around. A few feet off in the distance, I see two adults–one man, one woman–pushing through the crowd.

Leaning down, I pat her on the head. She looks at me and I point them out.

“There, there. They’re there.” Continue reading →

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November 21, 2015

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News, Writing

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News: A New Name

DON’T FREAK OUT!

Whew, good. I’m sure that had the intended effect.

So, if you’re on my site right now, you maybe noticed that it isn’t called “Coolerbs Reviews” anymore.

There’s a reason for this: I didn’t feel like it was appropriate. When I first started out this blog three years ago, I did a lot of reviewing. But if you’ve been here a while, you’ve probably noticed I strayed from that a tad.

Now-a-days I do a lot of fiction, a lot of advice for writers, some top ten lists, that sort of thing. This is for two reasons: Continue reading →

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November 11, 2015

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Writing

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How To Start Being A Writer: A Guide For Absolute Beginners

So, I hear you want to be a Word-Slinger? That you want to dance with a little lady named fiction? Well, for all of you who still call themselves “aspiring writers,” here are a few steps for the absolute beginning of your journey.

Because while there may be plenty of places offering tips on publishing, or writing your first novel, I thought I would share with you some advice on how to begin this crazy writer life.

  1. Stop Calling Yourself An “Aspiring Writer.”

If you write, you’re a writer. Endpoint, done. You can, however, be an aspiring author. Hell, I’m a professional, and even I have to call myself that. But the point is, if you’re really serious about this whole writing thing, then call yourself a writer. Own that title.

  1. Set Aside Time

And now comes the first hard part. At any age, and even if writing is your occupation, you will still need to find time to work on writing. And I’m sorry to say that for beginners, it’s going to be the time you usually play video games, or watch television. This is a sacrifice you’re going to have to make. Continue reading →

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November 7, 2015

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Micro Fiction, Writing

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Microfiction: A Pep Talk

“Calm down.”

This boy is going to reach critical mass. I can hear my associates chatter in my earpiece, telling me to get away.

“It’s okay now.”

He clutches the top of his head. His shadows are moving off the ground, rising up towards him in rock-like crags. A maw trying to eat him.

“I know it hurts, but you need to just stay calm.” I have my fingers on my gun. Continue reading →

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October 31, 2015

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Special, Writing

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All Hallows’ Eve

There are only two moons you want on Halloween night.

A crescent or a full.

One for the witch, and one for the werewolves.

But can you deal with the fright?

Because there are only two things I want on Halloween night.

To trick and treat.

And not find any razor blades in what I eat.

So can you survive this youth-based blight?

Because there are two things that stalk on Halloween night. Continue reading →

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October 28, 2015

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Lists, Writing

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The Writer Fear Index: A Horrifying List Written About Horrible Things

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Panic Level: Very Low

“Ow, ow. Ugh, I should have stretched my hands more. Dammit…now I can’t finish that fight scene. This is such a stupid first world problem.” 

Writer’s Block

Panic Level: Low

“Come on! I need to write! I didn’t make my word target today. Why does this always have to happen right in the middle of a part I was looking forward to!?” Continue reading →

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October 24, 2015

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Flash Fiction, Writing

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Flash Fiction: A Bit of The Future – Part 2 of 2

The sound of an alarm pushes its way into my consciousness. I was awake a second ago from my perception. Probably about twenty minutes asleep.

Oh, who am I kidding? It was exactly twenty minutes.

“Hello sir. It’s wake up time.”

“I know, I know, thanks Charlie.”

“You’re welcome sir. However my name is not Charlie.” Continue reading →

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October 21, 2015

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Flash Fiction, Writing

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Flash Fiction: A Bit Of The Future – Part 1 of 2

From days far-flung forward, I give you dear reader:

A Bit Of The Future

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“It won’t hurt a bit.”

Syringe inside my arm. A cold steel table. The doctor walks out of the room, tossing his gloves into the disposal on his way out.

My body goes numb, and limbs flop onto the surface of the table. The harness tightens, and the whole thing moves horizontal to the floor. My head lurches forward until a strap straightens it up. My eyes are so heavy…. Continue reading →

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October 17, 2015

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Micro Fiction, Writing

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Microfiction: Piano Player

“I get to play. I get to play. Wrong note. Wrong note. Wrong note. Wrong note. Wrong note.” His little fingers leave red marks on the white keys.

“Hahahahaha. Don’t you love the songs I play?”

His wrists dislocate. The music gets faster. Continue reading →

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October 14, 2015

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Writing

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How To Make Monsters

Quake in fear my readers! Quake! For the storm approaches and soon, oh so very soon, my creation will walk amongst the world. And it will bring fear, and sorrow!

How’d I do it you ask? Fool! You think I would stop here and simply tell you the secrets of evil? The recipe for monsters?

Do you really think I have that big of an ego?

Because I totally do. So let’s get started! Continue reading →

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September 30, 2015

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Micro Fiction, Writing

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Microfiction: Fire And Blood

Notice: So…I know I said I would have a Monthly Mentions out today…but there was a bit of a change of plans. I don’t want to leave you without content though, so enjoy this microfiction!

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“Blood. Blood and fire.”

She raises the staff above her head. The mask obscuring everything.

Except the mouth. The white, smirking teeth. Continue reading →