The Most Annoying Phrases In The English Language

I’ve gone over before that I HATE platitudes. This is for several reasons, including how they are not at all helpful, in the slightest, when I hear them. But, with that said, some of them are so egregious, some phrases and common sayings so irritating, that I felt the need to bitch about them on the internet.

 “You can do it!”

Okay, so, being supportive is nice, and good, and all that is swell—but clichés are clichés. Statements and sentences that come straight out of a hokey anime, or child-friendly animated movie, infuriate me because I feel like I am getting a robot quoting a film.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Continue reading

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Year Two Christmas Collection #1: Most Hopeful Article! “Hey, You, It’ll Be Okay”

(Originally Posted April 19th, 2017.)


“Love yourself.”

I hate platitudes, don’t you? I feel like they bar the ability for someone to communicate actual helpful words. They are rote and glib and sound good as a soundbite, but often already occurred to the asker of help, so are thus useless.

There seems to be an almost universal box of platitudes for every occasion. Continue reading

Year Two Christmas Collection #5: Most Meta Flash Fiction! “Flash Fiction: Authorial Intent”

(Originally April 8th, 2015.)


Writers create people.

People they control.

But sometimes, those people rebel.

A story about stories called:

Authorial Intent

Jimmy Twostep was a good man; he paid his bills when he could, and loved his wife and child dearly. He lived a rather normal life, a mundane life.  But today was special, today was good: the sun was shining, the breeze was a gentle pleasure, and the air smelled of flowers in bloom. It was by all regards quite the perfect day for Jimmy.  It was a shame then, that on this beautiful Friday, he was destined to die.

“Wait, what!?” Continue reading

Year Two Christmas Collection #6: Favorite Movie Review! “Review: Paddington”

(Originally Posted February 11th, 2015.)


This movie is:

  • Charming
  • Cute
  • Whimsical
  • Beautiful
  • Heart-Warming
  • Uplifting
  • Lovable
  • Poignant
  • Imaginative
  • Brilliant
  • Cuddly

and perhaps most of all: incredibly British. Continue reading

Year Two Christmas Collection #7: Favorite Book Review! “Periodic Pretentious Book Reviews: ‘Scythe’ by Neal Shusterman”

(Originally Posted May 10th, 2017.)


As some of you may know, I am a reviewer of sorts when I feel the urge. And though I am not one who wants to spend all my time reviewing things, it is an itch I like to scratch on occasion. So, since I read a lot, I figured I might occasionally review a book for your enjoyment, and perhaps along the way swing someone to read a book they might not have otherwise. Continue reading

Year Two Christmas Collection #10: Weirdest Flash Fiction! “Weird Flash Fiction: Let’s Picture A Room”

(Originally Posted February 27th, 2016.)


Oh yeah, this is going to be weird. Strap in folks.

I call it:

Let’s Picture A Room

Let’s paint a picture shall we? Let’s go with a living room. It’s a tad hazy at first, though. Since I didn’t give you any specifics. Or you just subbed in a living room like the one you have, or what a friend has. But you can see a living room now. You should see it clearly. Continue reading

Year Two Christmas Collection #11: Weirdest Personal Article! “Why I Wear A Jacket All The Time”

(Originally Posted Septemeber 13th, 2017.)


I don’t know of many creatives without some odd habits. And, with me, the most prominent and noticeable ones are my night owl tendencies and my relationship with jackets. I’ve talked about the night and my place in it before, but I’ve barely, if at all, discussed my jacket fixation, and I think it’s about time I fix that oversight. Because I goddamn love jackets. If I could comfortably sleep in a jacket I would—and don’t think I haven’t tried. Continue reading

Year Two Christmas Collection #12: Most Personal Article! “I Was Fat”

(Originally posted July 19th, 2017.)


For a good part of my life, I weighed close to 300 pounds. I’m talking when I was a teenager. At the ages when such a thing, regardless of what’s taught and preached, easily marks you.

It got me scorn. Some people, people I didn’t even know, looked at me like I was fucking scum. I’m fortunate enough to know a lot of nice and kind people who didn’t—but yeah, still years of glares and critical eyes. Continue reading

How To Disturb In 5 Easy Steps

My head is swirling today—I’m going through the overload that comes with consuming too much good media. And it is making me have trouble coming up with a topic to talk about and write about.

Now, to be clear, I am not “blocked.”

I have too many ideas right now. I want to talk about the future, and the world, and art, and getting ideas for writing. I want to write ten books and then go on several podcasts.

But, as these sorts of things go with actual life, I have things that need doing. So, I decided to fall back on something simple, something I understand on an intuitive level when it comes to making art.

And that is creating disturbing things. Continue reading

Brandon’s Favorite Things: A List

The subjective nature of art, and the changing of a person’s personality as time goes by, adds up to it being desperately hard to nail down a favorites list. Media shifts as we do—at least from our perspective—and thus we will respond differently than we had minutes before. But, as a creator, and a consumer, and dare I use the pretentious word: “connoisseur” of creative things, I do feel it necessary to try to understand my taste in media, and since this is the internet, the natural tendency is to try to put it into an easy to read list.

So, here we go. I am going to, based on my opinions on this day 2/6/17 (which is when I wrote this…you’ll see the edited version on Wednesday) list out my favorite creation in each form of media I can think to include, along with a short reason for why. Though, to keep the word count reasonable, I’ll keep to only a few short sentences each.

So, here we go. My current all-time favorites. If I had to grab something for entertainment and run, these would be my choices. Continue reading

Knowing Your Own Tropes

I speak from experience when I say: if you write enough, fast enough, you will repeat yourself. And you will notice that you are repeating yourself.

And I don’t just mean certain words or phrases or descriptions. I mean entire plot points. Character types. Ways to have a situation play out—down to the pacing of it. Your artistic “voice” is like a thumbprint, and you can’t help but put it on everything you touch.

And, since I am—perhaps—too aware of myself, I worked out some of my “tropes” and trappings, which I cannot help but do. When I brainstorm, these are what I will go for as an automatic thing. And, since I figured it might be fun, I’ll present a few of them in a random order as I think of them. Continue reading