Category Archives: Lists

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April 18, 2018

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Funny, Life, Lists

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The Most Annoying Phrases In The English Language

I’ve gone over before that I HATE platitudes. This is for several reasons, including how they are not at all helpful, in the slightest, when I hear them. But, with that said, some of them are so egregious, some phrases and common sayings so irritating, that I felt the need to bitch about them on the internet.

 “You can do it!”

Okay, so, being supportive is nice, and good, and all that is swell—but clichés are clichés. Statements and sentences that come straight out of a hokey anime, or child-friendly animated movie, infuriate me because I feel like I am getting a robot quoting a film.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Continue reading →

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December 25, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Life, Lists, Special

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Year Two Christmas Collection #1: Most Hopeful Article! “Hey, You, It’ll Be Okay”

(Originally Posted April 19th, 2017.)

“Love yourself.”

I hate platitudes, don’t you? I feel like they bar the ability for someone to communicate actual helpful words. They are rote and glib and sound good as a soundbite, but often already occurred to the asker of help, so are thus useless.

There seems to be an almost universal box of platitudes for every occasion. Continue reading →

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December 22, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Flash Fiction, Lists, Special, Writing

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Year Two Christmas Collection #4: Most Experimental Flash Fiction: “Flash Fiction: Texting”

(Originally posted December 2nd, 2017.)

Are you busy?

Uh no. Hey

Hi! How are you?

Good, hbu?

Okay

Just okay?

Yeah

Wht happened? Continue reading →

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December 21, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Flash Fiction, Lists, Writing

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Year Two Christmas Collection #5: Most Meta Flash Fiction! “Flash Fiction: Authorial Intent”

(Originally April 8th, 2015.)

Writers create people.

People they control.

But sometimes, those people rebel.

A story about stories called:

Authorial Intent

—

Jimmy Twostep was a good man; he paid his bills when he could, and loved his wife and child dearly. He lived a rather normal life, a mundane life.  But today was special, today was good: the sun was shining, the breeze was a gentle pleasure, and the air smelled of flowers in bloom. It was by all regards quite the perfect day for Jimmy.  It was a shame then, that on this beautiful Friday, he was destined to die.

“Wait, what!?” Continue reading →

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December 20, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Lists, Movies and Tv, Special

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Year Two Christmas Collection #6: Favorite Movie Review! “Review: Paddington”

(Originally Posted February 11th, 2015.)

This movie is:

  • Charming
  • Cute
  • Whimsical
  • Beautiful
  • Heart-Warming
  • Uplifting
  • Lovable
  • Poignant
  • Imaginative
  • Brilliant
  • Cuddly

and perhaps most of all: incredibly British. Continue reading →

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December 19, 2017

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Books, Christmas Collection, Lists, News

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Year Two Christmas Collection #7: Favorite Book Review! “Periodic Pretentious Book Reviews: ‘Scythe’ by Neal Shusterman”

(Originally Posted May 10th, 2017.)

As some of you may know, I am a reviewer of sorts when I feel the urge. And though I am not one who wants to spend all my time reviewing things, it is an itch I like to scratch on occasion. So, since I read a lot, I figured I might occasionally review a book for your enjoyment, and perhaps along the way swing someone to read a book they might not have otherwise. Continue reading →

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December 18, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Lists, Poem, Special, Writing

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Year Two Christmas Collection #8: Weirdest Poem! “Poem: Hourglass”

(Originally posted August 13th, 2016.)

Find me,

The note said,

It talked about a girl I could not know.

Born a long, long, long time ago. Continue reading →

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December 17, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Lists, Micro Fiction, Special, Writing

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Year Two Christmas Collection #9: Weirdest Microfiction! “Microficiton: Tricks”

(Originally posted October 10th, 2015.) 

“Trick

This is all in my head right?

Or

Oh yes, indeed it is. But then again, isn’t everything?

Treat” Continue reading →

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December 16, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Flash Fiction, Lists, Special, Writing

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Year Two Christmas Collection #10: Weirdest Flash Fiction! “Weird Flash Fiction: Let’s Picture A Room”

(Originally Posted February 27th, 2016.)

Oh yeah, this is going to be weird. Strap in folks.

I call it:

Let’s Picture A Room

—

Let’s paint a picture shall we? Let’s go with a living room. It’s a tad hazy at first, though. Since I didn’t give you any specifics. Or you just subbed in a living room like the one you have, or what a friend has. But you can see a living room now. You should see it clearly. Continue reading →

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December 15, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Funny, Life, Lists, Special

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Year Two Christmas Collection #11: Weirdest Personal Article! “Why I Wear A Jacket All The Time”

(Originally Posted Septemeber 13th, 2017.)

I don’t know of many creatives without some odd habits. And, with me, the most prominent and noticeable ones are my night owl tendencies and my relationship with jackets. I’ve talked about the night and my place in it before, but I’ve barely, if at all, discussed my jacket fixation, and I think it’s about time I fix that oversight. Because I goddamn love jackets. If I could comfortably sleep in a jacket I would—and don’t think I haven’t tried. Continue reading →

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December 14, 2017

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Christmas Collection, Life, Lists, Special

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Year Two Christmas Collection #12: Most Personal Article! “I Was Fat”

(Originally posted July 19th, 2017.)

For a good part of my life, I weighed close to 300 pounds. I’m talking when I was a teenager. At the ages when such a thing, regardless of what’s taught and preached, easily marks you.

It got me scorn. Some people, people I didn’t even know, looked at me like I was fucking scum. I’m fortunate enough to know a lot of nice and kind people who didn’t—but yeah, still years of glares and critical eyes. Continue reading →

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April 5, 2017

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Lists, Writing

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How To Disturb In 5 Easy Steps

My head is swirling today—I’m going through the overload that comes with consuming too much good media. And it is making me have trouble coming up with a topic to talk about and write about.

Now, to be clear, I am not “blocked.”

I have too many ideas right now. I want to talk about the future, and the world, and art, and getting ideas for writing. I want to write ten books and then go on several podcasts.

But, as these sorts of things go with actual life, I have things that need doing. So, I decided to fall back on something simple, something I understand on an intuitive level when it comes to making art.

And that is creating disturbing things. Continue reading →

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January 25, 2017

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Lists, Writing

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Knowing Your Own Tropes

I speak from experience when I say: if you write enough, fast enough, you will repeat yourself. And you will notice that you are repeating yourself.

And I don’t just mean certain words or phrases or descriptions. I mean entire plot points. Character types. Ways to have a situation play out—down to the pacing of it. Your artistic “voice” is like a thumbprint, and you can’t help but put it on everything you touch.

And, since I am—perhaps—too aware of myself, I worked out some of my “tropes” and trappings, which I cannot help but do. When I brainstorm, these are what I will go for as an automatic thing. And, since I figured it might be fun, I’ll present a few of them in a random order as I think of them. Continue reading →

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December 25, 2016

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Christmas Collection, Lists, Special

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Christmas Collection #1: Favorite Flash Fiction! “Flash Fiction: Across A Year”

(Originally posted July 16, 2016)

I have no idea if the weight of two people on the hood of a car is good for it. But I don’t care. It holds us up in more than one way.

I stare out at them, the stars, and I think a lot of things. I’m told that’s a pretentious thing to say. I’m told we live in a world full of clichés and platitudes. And yet, like so many before me, I like looking at them, and wondering.

“You’re thinking again,” she says, and I like to hear that voice of hers.

I like to look at her too, even if it’s only this time for a brief sidelong glance. Continue reading →