“Do you really have experience eating babies?”
The demon leaned forward and smoke spewed out from his nose—threatening to set off the sprinkler system.
“Tons.”
“Next.” Continue reading
Tag Archives: Comedy
Microfiction: Retry, Then Retry Some More
All Cynthia wanted was to date this guy. It was her only immediate goal. But the universe decidedly had other ideas in mind. She was not aware of this, of course, not at first, but she got the gist quickly.
For instance, on her way out of her neighborhood, her car exploded underneath her feet. One second her foot pushed down the pedal, and the next a fireball erupted and seared off her everything. Continue reading
Flash Fiction: Unintended Consequences Are For Suckers
In the attic sat a mysterious typewriter. In the attic stood a boy and a girl. All young—except the typewriter. The typewriter was old, as typewriters tend to be.
“So, that’s the one your grandmother talked about?” the boy said, and walked toward it, ducking underneath some webs.
“Yeah—but don’t touch it!” She reached out to stop him but her fingers missed by inches. Continue reading
Microfiction: Rampant Accusations
I cannot do things to people with my mind. Stop asking. It is not the case. Just ask my mother. Do you think she would have grounded me, ever, even considered doing that if I was capable of such things?
You are being absurd. You are being ridiculous. Continue reading
Flash Fiction: Scammy
The email looked legit.
Hello sir or madam, I am happy to inform you that you have made so many of billions of dollars. Due to a ridiculous series of tax laws and reformatting of the entire currency system, along with the rising of a dark sorcerer, you are set to receive seventeen billion dollars in the next week. We only need you to enter your bank account data to make the transaction complete. Continue reading
Flash Fiction: Go To The Mountain And See
Though ruffled and abused, the map showed this was the place. This, at the top of the mountain, was the location I’d been told to visit. I spoke to the masters of all the arts, and they said, in one voice, to go to this spot and see what was there. That it would be the most memorable moment of my life.
It didn’t disappoint—except in almost every way possible. Continue reading
Flash Fiction: A Secret Shame (Part 2 of 2)
As the titles states, this is part two. You can read part one here. Otherwise, let’s get going!
He sighed again and took his pinkie finger and poked around the inside of his ear. He looked calm, though, on the inside, his heart rate was jumping into the solar system.
“I was reading it. Do try your tea.” Continue reading
Flash Fiction: A Secret Shame (Part 1 of 2)
“When were you going to tell me?” she asked and stepped into the room. The man looked back in a panic, then swiveled his head back to her, and tried a smile.
It wasn’t effective.
“Well, you know, it’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you about—but you haven’t been over here in a while…so, you know.”
She looked around and crinkled her nose. “What is that smell?” Continue reading
Microfiction: Fire And Blood
Notice: So…I know I said I would have a Monthly Mentions out today…but there was a bit of a change of plans. I don’t want to leave you without content though, so enjoy this microfiction!
—
“Blood. Blood and fire.”
She raises the staff above her head. The mask obscuring everything.
Except the mouth. The white, smirking teeth. Continue reading
Flash Fiction: Villain
Wondering what that countdown is about? Well, I am running a bit of a contest here on Coolerbs Reviews, if you’re interested come check it out, right here: Click Me
Warning: The following story contains swearing, and otherwise violent statements. If you are one of the rare people on the internet that cares about that, this is not the story for you.
With all these movies about super heroes coming out, I thought it was about time that we saw the villain’s perspective.
There is only one problem with that…
He’s insane.
A flash fiction called:
Villain
Review: Guardians of the Galaxy
I don’t really understand how this movie franchise manages to get away with this much good fortune. Only in the most intense marketing fever dream, does this plan just continue to make money. But lo and behold, the movies are good, and well-loved. Not a single misstep. The entire world is watching this high wire act, and they have not fallen yet.
This is apparently my way of telling you, that I liked this movie.
Which is an accurate summation, because this film was fantastic! Continue reading
Trailer Talk: 8/9/14
The trailers don’t stop! So neither will I!
Welcome to another addition of Trailer Talk!
Let’s Begin! Starting with….
Let’s Be Cops
Umm alright. So I just saw that. Huh.
See the problem with these sorts of comedy movies is that they tend to put all the best jokes in the trailer. Then, when you go see it, you’re bored, because they gave it all away already.
I think this might be one of those movies.
Because the trailer is really, really funny. I was at the brink of losing it a few times in just that 45 seconds.
The premise looks good. Exploration of the power that we inherently allow cops and other law enforcement to wield. Because honestly, we would all do (most) of those things if we thought they were real cops. Or at least we would be really shocked when they did something so outrageous, and clearly illegal, in public
Also, it really does give a good example of why we have laws to prevent someone from faking being a police officer.
So, since I am only judging the trailer itself, and not the movie that is going to accompany it. I award this trailer an 8/10.
Alright, whats next?
The Giver
Hey look, they are remaking Equilibrium!
Oh, wait, this is something else. Oh well.
So another movie based on a Y.A. novel. Alright fine, unlike some people, I am actually in favor of this trend.
But they really should be more selective about what they pick.
I am not saying The Giver is not a good book. I have not read it. So I can’t judge the source material.
What I am saying, is that adapting this to a film seems……unwise. This sort of story has been done to death. There has been so many movies about people without emotions, that it is practically a sub-genre of science fiction. Not a practically good sub-genre either. Especially because for the movie to fit the theme, the acting has to be inherently bland. Which, in a book, would not be a problem as the language and word play can make up for it.
But in a movie, you have to be interested on visual alone. So if they are acting bland, then the movie will feel bland.
Yeah, so the trailer is not that good. Except the soundtrack. Which sounds excellent. It sets a building sense of dread, just with a simple piano chord. Drawing you in, and making you look close.
So, normally I would have given it somewhere in the 3 range, but, I am going to be generous and award it a 5/10.
Now, unto the final entry!
Life After Beth
This is going to be a weird month.
So Zombies are still a thing apparently, and now we have completely walked away from taking them seriously. Now they are strictly comedy monsters.
I am surprisingly okay with that.
So from this trailer we learn that this a romantic comedy about zombies. Or rather, a single zombie. Who over the course of the movie becomes more and more of a monster. With the main guy trying to somehow keep everything from exploding into meaty chunks.
Now this movie could be terrible, but from the clips I saw, it does seem to be funny. The actors are ones that I like, and they seem to be giving it there all. So I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt, and reward it with a respectable 7/10.
——
Alright, well that is the end of this installment of Trailer Talk!
Tune in on Wednesday for my next exciting article!
Review: 22 Jump Street
So this is a sequel? You know, just thought I would ask. It’s not like they hammered it in, or anything.
Oh wait, they totally did.
Grr…. Continue reading
Netflix Quest: #7 Eureka
The forest was vast.
A single rabbit ran by, its mechanical eye glowing red. I watch it disappear into the brush before I continued on. Wondering, briefly, where it was headed.
The path was cobblestone, and the only noise that could be heard was my feet hitting it. By this time in my quest my shoes had become ragged, the soles worn out, and the tongue hanging out like it’s namesake.
Then, finally I came to the entrance. A simple post in the ground. I swiped the card and waited a few moments. Continue reading
Netflix Quest: #8. Chuck
You would be surprised how many parties one can find themselves in on this island. They seem to rage all night, the Lotus Eaters really do have a thing for it. It might just be because they tend to eat the guests when they are done.
Despite the danger of it, I had to be here. To even make it into the next part of the quest I would need a key card, from one of the party goers. By the end of the party it would not matter if he had it or not.
He was not paying much attention, the drinks flowed freely here. He had a pile of glass next to him, and a few of the Lotus Eaters were hanging on his arms. Giving the flesh of it a long look. A few giving glances at his neck. Continue reading
