“It’s Christmas time!”

No! It’s not!

Not yet. I love Christmas. I adore Christmas. Holy crap, it’s almost here and I am excited. Family and Christmas specials and shopping (yep, bucking stereotypes, I’m a guy who deeply enjoys going shopping—just not for clothes) and I’m looking forward to every iota of Christmas lights I can get into my eyeballs and on my brain.

BUT I also like Thanksgiving. I find that holiday fun as well. I’m looking forward to that, first. So, just because Halloween is over, does not mean it is winter holiday time yet!

I mean, you’re free to do what you want, in your own home. But—and I am aware how silly and petty and stupid this is—I will be livid if I hear even a single holly jolly bell chime before I get a lick of those Portobello mushrooms and beef brisket (I should mention I don’t much like turkey, so my Thanksgiving meals are not at all traditional.)

When I sat down today at my desk, I was thinking about writing an article about nihilistic art or maybe go into a relatable rant about how there is too much media I feel I need to see (I’m still not caught up on Rick and Morty season 3 nor Stranger Things season 2) but, I figured this was too “pressing” a matter to leave for another week…also, it’s a lighter, funnier topic and I didn’t want to get too serious all at once. You’ve got to stagger it out for the masses. And for my own sanity.

Anyway, anyhow, my message is this: shops and stores and people on social media—and especially radio stations—you can go all out, and I want you to go all out, but only after Black Friday finishes. The second that shopping rush ends, you and I, Christmas celebrating parts of the world, we can revel, we can string up lights, we can be ready and willing and prepared for one of the best fucking holidays.

But, not yet. Wait a little longer. I like having a continuous string of celebrations around now. It’s cool to always be looking forward to the next event until the year ends fully. So, don’t jump the gun—don’t skip ahead. This is a four-course meal, starting with Halloween.

So, have a happy and warm and nice and pleasant THANKSGIVING!

Okay?!

Cool, thanks for reading.

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Special thanks to: Bob Gerkin, Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, and Michael The Comic Nerd. 

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