How to Piss Off A Writer With 5 Easy Phrases

“Yeah, but what’s your real job?”

What the writer says: “Umm…it is my job. I write for a living.”

What the writer thinks: What, do you think writing isn’t a real job? I’d like to see you manage one week!

“Oh, I’ve got a great idea for a book.”

What the writer says: “Oh…cool…what’s it about?”

What the writer thinks: Oh Lord, not this again.

“I don’t read books.”

What the writer says: *awkward silence*

What the writer thinks: You’re dead to me.

“When’s your book coming out?”

What the writer says: “There’s still a lot left to do.”

What the writer thinks: Do you realize how long the publication process can take? It can take years. Years!   

“I’d write if I had the time.”

What the writer says: “Yeah, well, it can be tough sometimes.”

What the writer thinks: Oh, so it’s just some easy thing you do when you “have the time”? I put my everything into writing. I make sacrifices so that I can sit down and put fingers to keyboard. I make the time, dammit. 

Special thanks to: Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, Michael The Comic NerdPulsatilla Pratensis, and Zeony.

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2 thoughts on “How to Piss Off A Writer With 5 Easy Phrases

  1. A friend of mine once told someone he was a musician. The person then asked, “Well if you’re a musician, how come I’ve never heard your songs before?” My friend said that this was equivalent to finding out someone is an electrician, and then asking them, “Well how come you’ve never fixed my house?”


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