It’s not that I am not productive and active and such in my life. Not as though I fail to have meaningful contributions. I’d like to think I lead an existence that’s not particularly slothful—but my own ability to do as much as I would want in any given day bugs me to no end.

For instance, sure, you know of the one book I’ve written—I’d hope—but I’ve actually written somewhere in the ballpark of 20-25 novels/novellas in just two years’ time. But my editing skills and my speed at it are so slow, and I can’t seem to get a good schedule going, that there’s only one book you know about right now.

It’s just…that alone hugely irritates. But, writing books doesn’t equate money, it doesn’t mean financial gains implicitly, so, in addition to simply not prioritizing authorship, I often don’t feel as though it’s morally, or at least survival-wise, smart for me to focus on the books. It needs to be in stolen hours, or when I am burned out and don’t feel like working that I create these books into a form that’s readable.

And I want to figure that out—make the passion flow here. But passion never got me anywhere creatively, only diehard adherence to routine and discipline, and that discipline has not been coming for authorship lately.  I’m not sure why—I hope I figure it out soon.

Of course, I have other things I also want to do a lot more of—I still need to learn to drive a car, and I want to get a lot better at my favorite strategy game. Also, while I am still a fairly good cook, I’m not super happy with my recipes lately.

I know that life is that, stressful and pulling and disparate, that adult life is like this for almost everyone, but I overcame much more dire barriers than simply laziness on my part, and yet for months I’ve been dealing with this frustration.

So I thought I’d write it down, post it out there. Maybe that might help things.

I certainly hope so.

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Special thanks to: Melissa Potter

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