I once wrote a post that was perhaps the saddest thing I’ve ever written. It was bitter. It was despondent. A lot of pain placed down as words. That post detailed something that had been a massive concern, a giant sore spot on my emotional landscape. Perhaps my greatest hang up; my most damning worry.
And I thought I’d update you all on that story.
And how it had a happy ending.
Because, believe it or not, I have one now.
I have a girlfriend.
Shy, nerdy, odd me. I was a person who—no matter how many kind words I got from my friends and family—was sure I would never find anyone. Who read in every leveled eye and slight twitched gaze that no one around saw me as a person who existed as a romantic prospect.
I’d dare say I got paranoid.
But, how quickly bad memories and bad situations fade to old, outdated perspectives. How quickly what it was like before fades from memory in favor of better versions of life.
It’s been a revelation.
A rewiring of my view of the world.
Songs, movies, books, games, they all shifted. I can’t help but hear her in love stories.
I think since it happened, I’ve experienced more new emotions and thoughts then I have in a very long time. I caught myself smiling, involuntarily, while I was trying to nap.
Some days are so much. So many feelings going off at once like fireworks in my chest and mind. Emotions are physical, they feel down to the core.
I’ve been happy and anxious and freaking out and ecstatic and excited and protective and self-conscious and joyful. I’ve experienced emotions and feelings I didn’t have a frame of reference for before. Some days it’s dreamlike, a little unreal, and others a comforting warmth where I’m just so damn happy she’s there.
Somehow, someway, I managed to do it. And Christ is she cool. Nerdy, smart, enthusiastic, cute, affectionate, and constantly surprising me with how accepting and understanding she is. And so many things else that make me feel that lovely warmth in my chest.
I think it’s going well so far.
But, I’m aware that, perhaps, some of my readers are not so lucky. Not so happy. And, I think artists need to be helpful to people if they can be. I wrote that original post to maybe offer some catharsis for people going through similar. So, let me address the alone and the pained out there reading this, if I may.
I needed someone in my dark moments, and I’d like to try to be that for others if I can.
If I owe the universe anything, it would be that.
I’m not going to say “you’ll find someone,” or “it’s just a matter of time,” even if that might actually be true on both counts. I will not be that guy. But, I will say, if I could find someone who clicks with super eccentric me, then the odds must be better than expected, right?
There must be a chance.
Hope, as cliché as it sounds, exists for this.
It’s not all lost.
You just need to look. Really look. I spent a long time looking. It’s not automatic. But it is possible to find someone.
If you see in a person something that causes the thought of them not being there, of going away, to fill you with a sadness so deep that you can’t even manage to think straight. If you meet a person who you’d gladly pour out your soul to until your shaking. If you find someone who you literally can’t stop talking to, can’t stop speaking about with everyone who will listen, then it’s worth it to talk with them and talk with them and keep on talking.
I cannot stress how important talking really is. How perspectives can change.
Wishing, hoping, pining, no. I mean this as practical advice. Use words. Tell someone how you feel. Be respectful, empathetic, but keep telling someone how you feel. It’s the hardest thing and the easiest thing and the most effective thing in the world sometimes.
Trust me, even with failures, it is worth it in the end. If you do things right, you might just find you’re a better person for having tried.
And you might find someone who makes you happy in a completely new way than you ever thought you could be.
You might even find someone you love.
Special thanks to: Bob Gerkin, Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, and Michael The Comic Nerd.
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“Just Another Chosen One is a blisteringly paced, action-soaked debut from author Brandon Scott, sure to appeal to those who’ve gotten tired of reading the same old stories about the child of prophecy destined to save the world.”