Microfiction: Application Process

“Do you really have experience eating babies?”

The demon leaned forward and smoke spewed out from his nose—threatening to set off the sprinkler system.

“Tons.”

“Next.”

#

“So, what would you say is your best quality?”

The creature sat in its chair with great effort as its form did not exist on the correct plane of reality to fit fully in leather-bound upholstery.

From one of its hundreds of maws, came forth a puckered human pair of lips. It smacked them a few times.

“I’m a good team player,” it said in the voice of a thousand men going insane.

“Really? How so?”

“I make the group one with my mental structure, eating their concept of morality and individuality.”

“And you plan to do this to…?”

“All life.”

“Next.”

#

“It says here you used to work in accounting?”

“Brains.”

“I’m sorry. The CEO? That’s not what it says on your resume.”

The zombie shuffled forward, arms outstretched, rocking the desk with its attempts to grab. Its mouth opened with rotten molars and rancid breath.

“Brains!”

“Look, we can allow you some creative freedom, but you need to—”

“Brains!”

“Come on now, you’re being so demanding—”

“Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains!”

“Next.”

#

“…not that I mind, but are you planning on wearing that sort of thing while working? It’s not quite correct for the dress code….”

The succubus, sporting a black bikini, played with her spaghetti string shoulder straps.

“I am planning on wearing something more comfortable than this, actually. Almost nothing at all.”

She undid the strap, and slowly lowered the top, until a pen stabbed into a thigh, and undid the fog of sexual seduction.

“Ugh…I’m sorry…NEXT!”

#

“Okay, you’re the last one for the day, and you saw that waiting room. What do you think of your chances, Mr. Murder?”

“Please,” Murder said, itching at his face underneath his mask made of stretched taut deerskin, “Mr. Murder was my father—and I killed him. I think my odds are good in this company. I suit the needs, and I don’t have some of the issues of availability that the others might have. I have no other dimensions to attend to or anything like that.”

“Not that there is anything wrong with being multi-dimensional.”

“No, no, of course not. I respect all planes of reality. My mother is from the realm of sharpness—but I feel I can focus more on this than the others.”

“Yes, and all your qualifications appear to meet our standards. I see you also brought your own knife and severed head. That shows initiative. You’re hired.”

Special thanks to: Bob GerkinCollin PearmanDylan AlexanderJerry Banfield, and Michael The Comic Nerd. 

Did you like the article? Dislike? Tell me about it in the comments. I would love to hear your opinions! If interested in specific articles, or want to write as a guest, you can message me at scifibrandonscott@gmail.com. If you want to help keep this blog going, consider becoming my patron at https://www.patreon.com/coolerbs. Thanks for reading!

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