Well, this is a new one. This week, because I ended up creating two smaller pieces instead of a flash fiction, I thought I’d present them as a package deal.

They are both comedic, so it does work…kinda.

Enjoy.

MICROFICTION: ANALOG

It was my latest creation: the machine that would end all my heartache and suffering. Its underlying faceplate modeled off a famous actress, and its fake skin made of the softest plastic science could imagine. The unnerving nature of an almost human analog was the hardest part to overcome, but in the end, I found the correct answer was to go for a less human look, rather than more.

And so when she opened up her eyes, and the padding inside successfully dampened the noises of the various pneumatic joints, I nearly jumped for joy. She rose out of the vat and I shouted to the heavens my happiness.

I turned to my partner in crime, my always ready for anything–no matter how eccentric–lab assistant Tabitha, and gave her the widest smile. My robot, seeing my excitement, wrapped her arms around my waist and looked over my shoulder. The heating coils did their job well, and I could feel the body heat coming off of her.

Oddly, Tabitha’s look was not nearly as excited as I thought it would be. She gave a grin certainly, but her fervor for the creation was not as high as my own. It came as a shock when she decided to quit the following week after my wedding.

—

POEM: I CAN’T NOT RHYME

I can’t not rhyme.

Not here, not anytime.

It alludes me you see.

I just don’t know the key.

The technique of what to do.

Or who to talk to,

About my terrible affliction.

My rhyming addiction.

It keeps me up at night.

All in favor of a rhyming delight.

So please send help.

Or at least a smoothie made of kelp.

For as you can see my words start to make little sense.

So with the cure you must dispense.

Or I shall speak nonsense soon.

And the aardvark shall spank a loon.

—

Special thanks to: Bob Gerkin, Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, Michael The Comic Nerd,  Pulsatilla Pratensis, and Thomas J. West.

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