Monthly Archives: November 2015

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November 28, 2015

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Micro Fiction, Writing

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Microfiction: Sales Rush

I smashed in his head with a half-priced chrome shower curtain pole. It beat taking coffee any day. The buzz, THE BUZZ.

I hear some yuppie college prick sneaking up on my shopping cart. Followed along by his girlfriend, with smeared cheap-ass mascara like devil horns on her forehead. Animals the lot of them, filthy money grubbing animals.

So I put a pair of stainless steel steak knives from my thirteen-piece cutlery set through their fucking hearts.

I’d raid their wallets, but some kid in last week’s diaper snatches it and runs underneath a couple of elderly woman gumming up the forearm of some gym teacher wielding a pair of hand weights.

“Shit! I could have gotten some shoes with that, you beast.” Continue reading →

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November 25, 2015

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Funny, Writing

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3 Silly Alliterations That Show How Weird The English Language Can Be

1.) “There, there. They’re there.”

Example:

I saw the girl sitting there, crying with soft sobs. My train would not arrive right away, and even if it does, I can’t let her sit all alone.

“Hey, are you alright?”

She sniffles, and moves her blond hair out of the way. “I can’t find my mom and dad.”

“What do they look like?”

“They had red sweaters on like mine. I miss them…”

She bursts into fresh tears. I frown, and look around. A few feet off in the distance, I see two adults–one man, one woman–pushing through the crowd.

Leaning down, I pat her on the head. She looks at me and I point them out.

“There, there. They’re there.” Continue reading →

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November 21, 2015

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News, Writing

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News: A New Name

DON’T FREAK OUT!

Whew, good. I’m sure that had the intended effect.

So, if you’re on my site right now, you maybe noticed that it isn’t called “Coolerbs Reviews” anymore.

There’s a reason for this: I didn’t feel like it was appropriate. When I first started out this blog three years ago, I did a lot of reviewing. But if you’ve been here a while, you’ve probably noticed I strayed from that a tad.

Now-a-days I do a lot of fiction, a lot of advice for writers, some top ten lists, that sort of thing. This is for two reasons: Continue reading →

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November 11, 2015

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Writing

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How To Start Being A Writer: A Guide For Absolute Beginners

So, I hear you want to be a Word-Slinger? That you want to dance with a little lady named fiction? Well, for all of you who still call themselves “aspiring writers,” here are a few steps for the absolute beginning of your journey.

Because while there may be plenty of places offering tips on publishing, or writing your first novel, I thought I would share with you some advice on how to begin this crazy writer life.

  1. Stop Calling Yourself An “Aspiring Writer.”

If you write, you’re a writer. Endpoint, done. You can, however, be an aspiring author. Hell, I’m a professional, and even I have to call myself that. But the point is, if you’re really serious about this whole writing thing, then call yourself a writer. Own that title.

  1. Set Aside Time

And now comes the first hard part. At any age, and even if writing is your occupation, you will still need to find time to work on writing. And I’m sorry to say that for beginners, it’s going to be the time you usually play video games, or watch television. This is a sacrifice you’re going to have to make. Continue reading →

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November 7, 2015

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Micro Fiction, Writing

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Microfiction: A Pep Talk

“Calm down.”

This boy is going to reach critical mass. I can hear my associates chatter in my earpiece, telling me to get away.

“It’s okay now.”

He clutches the top of his head. His shadows are moving off the ground, rising up towards him in rock-like crags. A maw trying to eat him.

“I know it hurts, but you need to just stay calm.” I have my fingers on my gun. Continue reading →

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November 4, 2015

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Special

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Philosophical Gift Baskets

So, for those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter, I somewhat recently sent out a series of themed tweets called #philosophicalgiftbaskets. In these I attempted to explain complicated philosophy via the miracle of gift baskets.

It went about as well as one could expect.

Here, are those tweets.

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Welcome to Solipsism.

The gift basket does not actually exist.

#philosophicalgiftbaskets Continue reading →