For everyone who wants to be a writer, I present the honest answers to all of your questions:
What are writers?
People who write words, preferably ones that chain together to mean something.
Can I become a writer?
Who can be a writer?
Is (blank) a writer?
Does that person write words? If so, then yes.
How do I become a writer?
What do writers do?
How do I become a professional writer?
Write for free until someone offers to pay you for it. Then, write for them.
Does writing take practice?
Yes. Everything takes practice.
Do writers make a lot of money?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… not usually.
Will I become a professional writer?
Statistically? Probably not.
Do I need to write every day?
You don’t need to, but I recommend it.
Do writers need to read books?
Yes, constantly. How do you think we manage to get all of those words into our heads?
What is the worst thing you can do as a writer?
Can I make a living as a writer?
That really depends on what type of writing you want to do. Fiction writing is really risky and hard. You could crash and burn at any moment, and that’s assuming you manage to get off the ground at all. Ghostwriting or technical writing, on the other hand, is fairly consistent work, and pays decent. Editing, which is sort of like writing in its own way, also pays well. Writing for a website is actually feasible, but the website has to be really successful. It’s entirely possible, but it’s an upward battle.
Will writers exist in one hundred years?
I hope so.
Why are writers important?
Because, without us, all you would have to read are the labels on food packages.
Why do writers not like people?
We like people! We just don’t like being around people.
Does writing give you a God Complex?
Why are writers crazy/depressed/weird?
Couple of reasons:
- We’re isolated all the time, partially by choice.
- We create and kill fictional people.
- A combination of crippling self-doubt and an over-inflated ego.
- We’re constantly told we’re supposed to be crazy.
- We’re in our heads all the time, and sometimes we forget to come out.
- We have to wait for things to happen without any guarantees.
- We have to survive on the money we make writing.
Why are writers alcoholics/drug-users?
That’s a stereotype.
How do I write a book?
In no particular order:
- Write thousands of words.
- Rewrite thousands of words.
- Overcome writers block.
- Create a plot.
- Create characters.
- Create conflict.
- Cry a little.
- Fight carpal tunnel syndrome.
- Learn about yourself.
- Learn about what it means to be human.
- Cry heavily.
- Spend years on it.
- Spend more years on it.
- Write an ending.
- Rewrite nearly everything.
- Have a party
- Finish the book.
What is the best genre to write?
If you’re going by sales, then probably Erotica or Young Adult Dystopian Fiction.
Can I write about Werewolves/Vampires?
Yes, but I won’t like you very much.
What should I write about?
Really? You’re asking me? If you don’t already have hundreds of ideas, then I think you are in the wrong line of work my friend.
What is a “Muse”?
A little voice in our heads that tell us what to write about.
What is “Writer’s Block”?
When your “Muse” stops talking to you.
How do I know when I’m done writing a book?
When it’s the exact story you want to tell, and has absolutely no grammar errors, spelling errors, font issues, size issues, formatting mistakes, or plot holes.
Self-Publishing or Traditional?
Both are fine. Choose what you think will work better.
Do I need to get my book professionally edited?
Do I need to get it professionally illustrated?
Do I need to get my cover professionally made?
What’s a first draft?
The first version of a book, before you go back in and tear the whole thing apart, fixing errors as you go.
How many drafts are there of a book?
As many as needed, sometimes more than 10.
Will my first book get published?
Am I going to become famous when I publish my first book?
How do celebrities write books?
They don’t. Usually a ghostwriter does it for them.
How does James Patterson and Stephen King write so many books?
They write all day. Every day. Till their fingers bleed, heal, and then bleed again.
What is NANOWRIMO?
A contest where you have a month to write the first draft of a book.
What is a manuscript?
According to Google: “A manuscript is any document written by hand, or manually typewritten, as opposed to being mechanically printed or reproduced in some automated way.”
Why does no one like my writing?
I’m sure someone likes your writing.
Am I a good writer?
Am I a great writer?
If you think you’re a great writer, then you’re probably not. The greats are hyper-critical of themselves.
What are the downsides of being a writer?
- Eye strain.
- Hand cramps.
- Back cramps.
- Awkward at parties.
What are the upsides of being a writer?
The things you create are immortal.
How hard do writers work?
Harder then you could possibly imagine.
Is it worth it?
Did you like the article? Dislike? Tell me about it in the comments. I would love to hear your opinions! If interested in specific articles, or want to write as a guest; you can message me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for reading!
Hilarious and to the point. Might show this to some of my non-writer friends as they have a lot of misconceptions about what writers do and why.
Thank you! That was pretty much my intention (to clear up those sort of things for non-writers) when I wrote it.
‘We’re constantly told were supposed to be crazy.’
DIE YOU HEATHEN SCUM! 😛
Though the age old question still remains. Which came first? The writing or the madness? Or can we only write madness? Or does madness write itself? Or do we write about writing mad madness writings for mad writers? Writing mad writes for writers madly writing mad writings?
I think I rolled a critical failure for my sanity check 😦
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Ah!!!! It burns! How the hell did I miss that! I must fix this error at once!
You think that’s bad! I lost my twenty sided entirely! It exploded when I wrote my first flash fiction.
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Alas! A moment of silence for your exploded d20! It was a brave soul… Unless RNGesus hated that die, then goooooood riddance 😀
Lol. I did not know of its alignment. Perhaps it was a chaotic evil d20 and deserved to be destroyed.
Reblogged this on Audrey Driscoll's Blog and commented:
Here’s a great post on the whole How To Write Issue. And look for Part 2 of my Irascible Indie series next week!
Cute, funny, and true. Good job.
Thanks! I don’t think I’ve ever had my posts called “cute” before. But it is a fairly apt description for this one.
Great post, funny as F**k……or is that an exaggeration?
Re-blogged on Ramblings from a Writers Mind 🙂
I’ve never been reblogged before. It feels all warm inside.
Thank you, I’m glad you like it! I was trying to be as honest as possible with my answers, and sometimes that just ended up lending itself to comedy.
Loved the whole post, made me chuckle too. so just had to re-post!
Thank you! I’m glad you did!
Reblogged this on ramblingsfromawritersmind.
Great article with some painfully honest answers. Looking forward to reading the rest of your blog.
Thank you! Welcome to the blog :). I hope you enjoy my other articles! Glad to have you here!