This was the discovery of the ancients. The tomes sifted, translated, checked again, then told to the greater community only when they were positive, only when they were certain, that this indeed was the truth of the matter.

They had found the texts from the creators of humanity. Names for them were varied, depending on the text, and the translation or interpreter. They called themselves The Fa-Strewn, the Gaea Shifts, the Unraveling Cloud, and they were on another level of technology.

And, as you might expect, it caused unrest, riots. To know the making of humans; to know it was thoroughly not the god of any religion, but simply an alien race, was devastating personally and generally for many humans. Sure, the politics ran fine, and you could still always buy a greasy burger for a few bucks, but humanity lost in that moment the mysticism it had held unto for so long. Atheism soared in “practitioners.”

But it was what was found later, the results of subsequent bouts of study and deep looks, that truly drove home the nail in the coffin of humanity’s mental state. This discovery caused chaos, anarchy, and several new religions, sects, cults, and all the rest you would assume. This was the collective consciousness of man receiving a blow—and it being shaped anew.

For man now knew, without a shadow of a doubt, it’s purpose. It was one thing to know what made people; it was another altogether to know what it intended for them once they were made. To know that anything else, any whim, any practice, any goal, was blasphemy.

Humans, as it turned out, were made to mate, to spread, to build and survive for the sole purpose of putting shoes upon their heads. All of technology, evolution, and culture was meant to be in service of placing a shoe upon one’s head for as long as possible, as often as possible.

Unsurprisingly, several major shoe companies were more than a little onboard with this development. Though, for tax purposes, all new shoes manufactured were now classified as religious headwear.

(A little backstory for this one at the behest of the person that inspired the story. I forget the specifics, but my girlfriend jokingly said something about putting something on her head being her purpose in life. She’s awesome like that. And, being a writer who likes some surreal and absurdist plots, I ended up writing this silly, silly story. I hope you enjoyed it!)

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Special thanks to: Melissa Potter

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Want to read something longer by me? How about a whole novel! 

“Just Another Chosen One is a blisteringly paced, action-soaked debut from author Brandon Scott, sure to appeal to those who’ve gotten tired of reading the same old stories about the child of prophecy destined to save the world.”