Enter Scene.

Setting: A late Sunday morning. Lazy, by any stretch of the imagination. A small quaint house. With wind chimes. I’ve always wanted to have a house with wind chimes.

Characters: An altered and more comical version of myself, and my mute, invisible, and intangible butler, Charley.

#

“Okay, it’s time to write a blog article for all my lovely readers…wait…why is Facebook open? HAND WHAT HAVE YOU WROUGHT!”

 

25 Minutes Later.

 

“Okay, okay. It’s fine. I have all day. So what should I write about? I’ve got to think. All right, I’ll just go over to Pandora and play something, I’m sure it will help me think. No, not YouTube, Nooooo!

 

1.5 Hours Later.

 

“For real this time. I want to get a head start on my articles for the week, and I am not going to get fucked over by there being new anime on Netflix…

 

…did I just say there was new anime on Netflix?”

 

3 Episodes Later (About 1.5 Hours.)

 

“Oh shit, I need to walk! I need to walk so I don’t get all unhealthy from sitting in a chair all day!”

 

1 Hour Later.

 

“Huff, huff…okay…need a shower. This shirt feels like acid’s inside it and there is no way I’m going to be able to concentrate.”

 

15 Minutes Later.

 

“If I spent the time I think about writing in the shower actually writing, I bet I’d be a fucking Hugo winner by now. Okay…so where are some actually clean clothes?

What do you mean I need to do my laundry?”

 

30 Minutes Later.

 

“What do you mean I’m fucking hungry? You’ve betrayed me body! I will never forgive you for this!”

 

15 Minutes Later.

 

“Nom, nom, nom.”

 

15 Minutes Later.

 

“You know what would complete this meal? Some tea! Oh, I bet it’s still early enough to have some black tea. I got that cool writer mug I’ve been meaning to drink out of.”

 

10 Minutes Later.

 

“Why don’t I have more tea? I love this shit. I’ll leave the coffee addiction to my cohorts. One more glass, my dear manservant! *Pauses* Oh, right. Well, I’ll pour it myself then.”

 

10 Minutes Later.

 

*Plops into chair with another cup of tea. Cracks knuckles* “Okay, here we go. I’ll write this article if it kills me! Right after I finish all my quests in Hearthstone.”

 

1 Hour Later.

 

“Is there anything else I need to do?! Can I write now?! Who the fuck am I even yelling at about this? It’s not Charley’s fault. Oh look, my Deathclaw figurine. Ah, I love Fallout…. No. No. No. I will overcome you, procrastination. I will stare at this white, digital piece of paper until either I do it, or a series of small bugs sits upon my keys and makes words!”

 

5 Minutes Later.

 

“Okay, so, seriously what should I write about? Hmm…I think I may have an idea….”

—

Special thanks to: Bob Gerkin, Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, Michael The Comic Nerd,  Pulsatilla Pratensis, and Thomas J. West.

Did you like the article? Dislike? Tell me about it in the comments. I would love to hear your opinions! If interested in specific articles, or want to write as a guest, you can message me at scifibrandonscott@gmail.com. If you want to help keep this blog going, consider becoming my patron at https://www.patreon.com/coolerbs. Thanks for reading!