(Originally posted September 13, 2017)
I don’t know of many creatives without some odd habits. And, with me, the most prominent and noticeable ones are my night owl tendencies and my relationship with jackets. I’ve talked about the night and my place in it before, but I’ve barely, if at all, discussed my jacket fixation, and I think it’s about time I fix that oversight. Because I goddamn love jackets. If I could comfortably sleep in a jacket I would—and don’t think I haven’t tried.
Let me give you an idea of how much I love jackets: I wear them during the Floridan summer. I willfully melt inside an extra layer, in 90-degree heat, for the love of wearing a jacket.
And, when you do something like that, you feel the need to defend your decision. I’ve been desperately wanting to write my reasons down somewhere, and since I suspect you might find my oddness entertaining to read about, allow me to present the growing list of reasons why always wearing a jacket can be useful.
- You can easily cover yourself from the weather.
- You can hide stains of any kind that might end up on your shirt.
- The sleeves can serve as a smell filter around cigarette smoke and other foul things.
- The sleeve can serve as an emergency glove or cloth to pick up something you do not want to touch.
- So much extra pocket space.
- Jackets can serve as impromptu pillows, blankets, capes, whips, bindles, belts, blindfolds, fans, and ropes.
- Provided you wash it afterward, you can—in a pinch—wipe up any random liquids that might spill.
- If you have a significant other, family member, friend, or even just a random person you want to be nice toward, you can share your jacket if they get cold.
- As silly as it sounds, you can totally use a jacket as a weapon for self-defense. The thicker the fabric, the more effective it can be.
- At movie theaters, if you absolutely, positively need to claim another seat, simply drape it over the front of the chair. This trick works in a lot of places.
- It can work as impromptu shade.
- If you need to get something through the rain, zip the item up against your chest, or wrap it in the jacket and get wet instead.
- The long sleeves make magic tricks and just generally hiding anything easier.
- Need to move a heavy object? Use it as a blanket, and blanket drag the item.
And that’s not even covering hoodies! But, perhaps, that’s an article for another time.
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Special thanks to: Bob Gerkin, Collin Pearman, Dylan Alexander, Jerry Banfield, and Michael The Comic Nerd.
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